The little Johnny Collection

He peers round the door and sees his mother sitting astride his father bouncing up and down.
The next morning he asks his mother what she was doing bouncing up and down on daddy's stomach.
Embarrassed but thinking quickly, she said,
"your father has become a little fat recently and bouncing up and down on his stomach helps him lose weight."
"You're wasting your time," replied little Johnny,
"the lady from next door comes round every day and blows him back up again."");?>

During math class, Mrs. Johnson, the teacher, is giving short pop quizzes:

"If there are three pigeons sitting in a tree and we shoot one, how many of
them are left?"

Johnny raises his hand. "None, because after the gunshot all the others
will fly away."

"Well, although this is not the mathematically correct answer I was looking
for, I appreciate your train of thought."

"Mrs. Johnson, may I ask a question?"

"Sure, participation is good!"

"Three women are eating ice cream cones on the street. One is taking bites
out of hers, another is licking while the third one is sucking hers. Which
one is married?"

Mrs. Johnson thinks for a bit. "Uh, er, the one who is sucking?"

"Well, no, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I appreciate you train
of thought." ");?>

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day,
the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to
heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes
to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe
in God." The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises
his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because
God is all about love." "Very good," said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she
thought, "I'm not gonna like this" but, resigned to her fate, called
on Little Johnny. "Little Johnny," she asked, "Which part of the
body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a
minute and says, "Your feet."

The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last
night and I heard strange noises. I look into the keyhole and my
mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'God, I'm coming!'" ");?>

locked in a sexual embrace. Little Johnny not understanding what the dogs are
doing asks his father, "Daddy, what are those two dogs doing? To which the
father replies, "They are making a puppy!"

Later that night Johnny wakes up and walks down the hall to his parents bedroom
and catches his mother and father making love. Johnny asks his father, "Daddy
what are you and mommy doing?" To which the father replies, "Johnny we are
making you a little sister." Johnny thinks for a few moments and responds,
"Well, daddy could you roll her over? I'd rather have a puppy!"");?>

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water.
Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act.
Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims,
"Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions,
and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees.

Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out,
"Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

");?>